Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Randomize
