woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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