Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
