dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
