is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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