If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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