you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Im part way to drunk.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
