I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
