he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
