And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
