Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
