I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
