We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
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He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
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My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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