a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
