I want to have your abortion
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Sext me about skeletons
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
