i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
How does it feel to date your dad?
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize