Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
