There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
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