I'm eating all of the evidence.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Randomize
