May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
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