Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
