So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
