Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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