I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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