I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize