people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
