And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
