i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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