Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize
