actually, I'm a sock model
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
