ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
