who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
