Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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