Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
