Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
