..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
You kissed my hand and then put a Taco in it. Why WOUDNT I leave my husband?
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
