i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
she told me i tasted like america
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
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