He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
