peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
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