Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Randomize
