Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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