i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
