I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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