Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
