I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
