why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
