You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
