i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Say something about gay babies.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize