I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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