And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
