Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
