I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
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I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
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Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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