I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
