I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
