whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
