We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
