I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
