i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
