I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
