well I can't set my house on fire every night
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
