it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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