would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Found your dick twin last night
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
