pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
